365

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Flickr has become my daily journal. Sorry for the lack of posts. I'll still post here! I promise.

I've started a 365 project on flickr. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's a challenge to take a self portrait every day for a year. Today is day five for me. I try my best to illustrate my day and/or mood through the picture. If not, I'm probably too lazy to try.
So, if you want to stay slightly more updated with me, I suggest checking my flickr daily. :-)

http://www.flickr.com/photos/30743426@N07

Just for the record, today's picture explained today *perfectly*, but I'm better now, so no worries. :-)

Blessed Christmas....

Today is Christmas(at least, it was 32 minutes ago)...

I must say, this year has probably been one of the best Christmases in the very long time. I've always had good Christmases, but I had nothing to remember them by. I don't remember much from last year other than a few parties and dropping off oranges at the police department on the evening of Christmas. What made it special to me though? What kind of mark did it leave? Heck, I probably can't even tell you what I got last year..

Every year, my parents tell me its not going to be a big Christmas(gift-wise), yet I'm still always blessed. I know my parents really try to stress how serious they are, but either they're being defeated, or their idea of giving gifts to us is far beyond my expectations. I wouldn't say I got my number one listed item, but I have been blessed, no matter what I got. I seems as if physical possessions don't mean all that much to me right now. All the worries and issues I've had this year were far from being tangible, so my general mindset is already on non-tangible things.
But, anyways, This Christmas has been *significantly* different than previous years. A couple days ago, I was talking to Kason about the meaning of Christmas and importance of talking to family about the meaning of the gospel. Behind all the gaudy Christmas signs and jolly santa suites there's a much deeper meaning that too many people neglect, even as Christians. I think one of the reasons this year has been so quick and different was that I didn't take much time to get into the holiday as it was provided by stores and media, but rather in fellowship with family and friends. A fake holiday passes by slow and meaninglessly, but a season celebrating Christ's first love passes by quickly, packed with sentiments and legacies. Sure, it was fast, but that's what made it special.
Michelle's boyfriend, Edgar, stayed with us since Tuesday(he and Michelle are leaving for El Paso in a few hours). It was definitely different to have another person in the house for Christmas, but it was also a great opportunity to get to know him better too. I visited with some relatives on Tuesday night that I haven't seen since last Christmas. The fellowship and laughter was added comfort. :-)
Last night, my family(Ed included) went to Pizza Hut for Christmas Eve dinner (as tradition calls for) and looked at Christian lights. Kason joined us for Christian-light looking. Overall, my family had a great time looking at lights together. The extra fellowship with Ed and Kason made it a whole lot more cheerful, even for my mom. :-D
We all went home after that and watched The Christmas Story on tv(which none of us had seen) and continued our fellowship. Not to mention, Kason gave me his christmas gift to me, which was.. really cool(which is a blatant underestimating). Later in the evening, my mom invited Kason and his family over for Christmas dinner(although, his parents decided to stay home, so just Kason came. I was a little in shock to hear such an invitation coming from my mom toward someone unrelated to us... on HOLIDAY at that, but it was a pleasant surprise to say the least. My grandparents joined us for dinner as well(like usual). After a while of talking, my family decided to watch my moms new movie "Mamma Mia". Originally, my grandparents would leave after a movie if the conversations were boring enough, but my mom suggested Kason play some guitar for us. The next thing I knew, the entire family was singing Amazing Grace, including my grandmother... who never sings. :-)

I honestly don't know what happened. My whole family was in a wonderful mood today, and the things that normally make a holiday feel like a holiday ACTUALLY HAPPENED.
It was wonderful.
I am very blessed...


Ahh...
God is wonderful. I thank Him for sending His son.
:-)



shall post pictures later.....

I must confess...

.

My pride devours me, spitting the bones out.


*sigh*


I'm sorry... to everyone.






...Humility is the first step of growth....

Strength vs. Weakness

2 Corinthians 12: 7-10

To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassing great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.
Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me
"My grace is sufficient for you. For my power is made perfect in weakness."
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.
For when I am weak, then I am strong.

-----

As I've posted plenty enough times before, fear has been a struggle in me lately, which later causes weakness. I'm coming to realize that during the whole process of heartache, I pleaded to God over and over again to calm my fear and take the pain away, but still I was being hurt. There were times I was upset and depressed, and there were times I was downright angry and irrationally tense. I can say that I've gone through a great deal of healing as of late, but when I look at it now, I can see how hard I was hit and how much it affected my attitude and strength. I became utterly weak. It was pitiful.

I've recently been questioning who I am and what my worth is. I don't mean to sound depressing and demeaning, but it really was a question that struck my mind to find out. I'll be honest, it leaves an odd physical preasure on my chest to know. I wasn't sure where to look though.. in the Bible, that is. I was kind of confused. Despite being somewhat lost, something kept tugging me to read Romans. I'm not even sure how many times I was reminded of the book, but it kept coming to my attention, so I decided to start reading.
After a couple days of studying(a little bit at a time), I came across a list of verses I got in Sunday school several weeks ago. Each verse had an example of who were are in Christ. Seeing as how 1 of the 3 pages was only verses from Romans, I found it very beneficial to the current situation. After reading through the list of verses, there was one that stuck out to me, which oddly enough was not from Romans, but the verse I typed above.

I think I've kinda picked up the concept that hardships make you stronger, but I never really gave it much thought considering I haven't always had to deal with my strongest weaknesses all that much. I can definitely say that I've become very weak, and that I've faced a lot of struggles and trials, but it's taken me a while to realize that I will get stronger, and I will gain wisdom from it all. I had the general mindset that I was broken to pieces that will take a long time to mend back together. Now, even though it's still going to take a while to completely heal, I've come to realize that not only am I healing now, but I am also being rebuilt stronger and more stable. I've been blessed with how much more I can understand now. Even despite all the traumatizing, I can confidently say that I am made stronger. Also as a result, I have gained a more humble spirit. I didn't realize how prideful I was until I came to understand that what I valued most was not Christ at all. I became full of what I had, and who I was, that I lost part of my humbleness to my devouring pride that eventually just forced it all to be stripped away.

I thank God now for it all; My pride, my valuables being taken away, the pain I went through, and heartache and weakness that brought me to my lowest point, and I thank God that I can learn something from it, and that I can gain humbleness rather than depression and anger now.
It was hard for a long time.. too long, in fact, but I understand now. I am blessed.

-----

1 Corinthians 13: 9-12

For we know in part and we prophecy in part,
but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.
When I became man, I put childish ways beind me.
Now we see but a poor reflection in the mirror; then we shall see face to face.
Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

Oh, that's tough..

.

I remembered earlier this year, maybe around the beginning of summer, going through some kind of challenge in my life. I don't remember the specific situation, but I was convicted of what I was laying in my life as highest priority.
I asked God to strip anything from me that I put before him. I was kinda scared of where I was at the time, but I had just enough faith to pull myself to ask God for something like that.
Several months passed...
I wasn't sure that it would ever happen. There was a time in my life when I convinced that nothing major would ever hurt me. I thought I had a very strong heart, and was able to endure any kind of "heartbreak". I don't know what I had in me.... ignorance? pride? I don't know...

There was one thing I held so much higher than everything else, and it was certainly not God. I held it so tightly. I subconsciously molded myself to fit my desires because I treasured them so much. I always thought it the back of my mind to "always put God first" and I prayed for God to "strip them away", but I never seriously thought that it would happen, and I never really took actions to put God back ahead of everything else. I just went along with myself.. which I found was very foolish of me.

Sure enough, after many months, when I had almost completely been devoured by my pleasured, God answered that prayer. Everything I held dear was stripped away, with impressing force, I must say. All that ignorance and pride went away, and I found myself in a pit of confusion, heartache, and loneliness. I tried to get it back.. I tried very hard, but it kept coming back and hitting me over and over again. I finally understood what I did.. all the wrongs and sins and misconceptions.
Lowest time of my life.

I briefly talking to a youth leader at church the day after it all happened. I tried so hard to fight back tears as I explained that "The thing I put before Christ was stripped from me.. just as I asked God to do several months ago..". She followed by some short encouragement.. than began singing.. "When you call of Jesus.. All things are possible!...".
I was reminded of that day this evening. As much as I get caught up in my own fear, I don't take much time to notice that all that pain I had to go through was intended to help me grow, and help me realize how incredibly faithful God is.. and how he's never going to fail to show me what truth really is. Considering I was deceived in many ways, I wasn't sure what to believe, and I wasn't sure what to expect next. I was utterly lost.

I'll be honest.. I've become kinda bitter. It doesn't show a lot, but when I'm reminded of what hurt me the most, fear kind of consumed me and my normally confident attitude becomes nearly two inches tall in a matter of seconds. When I get to the point where I feel like I can finally move on, something else comes back.
For example.. I found out this evening that I was cheated on two months ago. As much as I wish I didn't care at all, considering I'm very happy where I am now, I can't help but become a little upset over it. Once again, I can feel pain again, and uneasiness. I'm not sure what to do about it. What am I to do? The choices are limited, but I decided to try to let it pass. It's about time I stop getting scared about everything, and really rely on God. Having something stripped from me a while back is no excuse to be afraid now, right? God never intends permanent harm. All pain is initiated in order to help me grow in wisdom and strength. As far as I'm concerned, I've learned a buttload of stuff in the past few months.. more than I've ever taken in at a time. It's really overwhelming at times, but I must say... this is a huge blessing to me. God's been so faithful to me, even when I continue to be scared.
Someone gave me a verse today for encouragement, and it just reminded me that when the Holy Spirit enters me, I am no longer a slave to fear.
Hmm... Yeah, I'm pretty kick-butt scared a lot, what does that mean? I kinda came to a conclusion that I'm not filling myself with Christ enough. God's been teaching me all this stuff, and being very faithful to me, but I have not been faithful to Christ in return, and I'm just now realizing my famished soul that has been feeding off of fear and answers that only come from humans.. which ultimately can not answer my questions.

*sigh*

This blog seems to be more of a diary entry than anything else.

I'm not sure where I'm going. All I know and that I want to get over this fear and cling to Christ. It's about time I start running full-force toward my father like a crying kid who's been lost in the mall for hours on end.



....







Let's go!




Pray for my journey...
.

Wow...

I just subconsciously put myself through the ultimate test of fear.


There is one thing lately that really has the capability of derailing my strength, and that's being completely surrounded by contradicting truths and lies written right before my eyes and running through my head. The lies are not old, they are only a couple months old.. fresh, yet rotten.
This happened to me a few days ago.. I was surrounded completely, and I lost it. I couldn't breath. I tried to get a grip, but it slipped. I broke down in tears. I stepped back, sat on my bed, and opened the Bible for something.. anything. God calmed me, and spoke to me in peace. I became quite and thoughtful(whole other story though).

Tonight, I put myself in the same situation.. I knew very well what I was going to see and what was going to go through my mind, yet I still went for it. I wasn't sure how I was going to react. It was a silly act to do, but surprisingly I didn't freak. I didn't even become upset. I was a little uncomfortable, but sure enough it was achievable. I became weary of what I was seeing, but it was not the kind of weary that makes you upset and broken.. it was the kind that makes you feel sick to the stomach to see, and just make you feel thankful that it's not a huge part of your life anymore. I considered the situation, and was reminded that what I have now is all I need. I may be broken and hurting every now and then, but I don't need an apology to function. My life does not rest in some other human's response.
I can move on. It's going to be hard sometimes, but God has blessed me. God would not give me an obstacle that was unachievable. No promises of easiness, but there is a promise for a revolution.
Thank you Jesus.



"YOU SET ME FREE!!"

*and eyes water with joy*

Short and Simple

.
I need prayer.

I'm so vulnerable, and Satan knows my weaknesses.

Just... simply pray.

Whole?

Apparently I'm a lot weaker than I thought I was.

If you were to ask anyone what the greatest weakness and sensitive area was, it would probably be past "relationships". As much as I hate to admit that I've been hurt by a guy, I have to say I have, and apparently that's left a big dent on how fearful and fragile I am.
I think the best part about this is that it's made me much more willing to talk to anyone about my struggles, even on blogger, however it takes it's negative role when some of the smallest things become capable of shattering my emotional self control.

I'll be honest, I've been scared lately. Not a whole lot, but fairly often. I'm scared of being hurt emotionally and physically. As much as I want to solve friendship problems between me and my previous "interest", I'm scared out of my mind, which apparently has caused some concerns in Kason and one of my other friends.
When I was at church this morning between services, I glanced at a person that looked like my previous interest. After a double-take, I realized it wasn't him, but I followed by freaking out, nearly to tears. I'm not sure why though. I thought that I had been healed, but all of a sudden I felt like I was being beaten up again. I walked upstairs to the loft, and LeighAnn asked what was wrong. Apparently the fear had shown in my face, but I continued to say I was just fine. As much as I enjoyed church this morning, I was not in my best mood considering my fear and insecurities.
I went home, cleaned the house a little, and took a nap. I felt more clear-minded later.
Kason invited me over to his house for a little while. I explained to him my fears a few days ago, but I talked to him about it again today, seeing as how I haven't been on best terms with my confidence. Kason assured me it was going to be ok, and promised to not let anything happen to me. I thought about how Biblical love and promises have been expressed to me lately, then I thought about how I saw them several months ago, which wasn't much biblical truth at all, consider it was all broken. Through the past few weeks, I've been slowly picking up my pieces to become whole again, with a huge lesson learned with each piece. What I've learned a lot this week is that Biblical faithfulness is never broken, and always assures truth and safety. Unfortunately, with all my piling fears, I've been growing uncertain of faithfulness, and wondering if it even resides in human at all. As much as man will never be able to grasp it completely, God promises safety to me, and He is much more faithful and true than anyone else will ever be.
It came to me in a revelation.. I am safe. I trust God to keep me safe and orchestrate the issues however they need to go. And as much as I have recurring fears that my past will repeat, I have to trust that there will be a change, and that I am willing to accept it and challenge it.
All the while realizing this, I broke into tears right there in Kason's arms. It really is neat to have a physical person there to hold you like a small child. It kinda makes the whole "God holding me always" thing feel much more real. :-)

So, with all that said, I'm healing, and gradually becoming whole again.
I'm so thankful for my faithful Jesus.
It really is a remarkable love to follow.





Pray for stength in me.

It's hit me...

I've been contemplating posting about this for a while now, but I always decided to wait.
But, I've gotten to the point where all questioning as been answered, just as God always promised me...
So, I decided to finally blog about this...


Monday is Kason and I's "one month anniversary". We became close friends about early to mid October, when we realized that we had a lot of struggles in common, such as secrets, lust, masks, false guilt, etc. Talking to eachother a lot really brought out our true selves. We got to the point where our friendship became very beneficial because we encouraged eachother to overcome our guilts and struggles. Most of all, we both had to realize that we, as Christians, are ultimately forgiven and our sins are never held against us, purely because of God's love.
At the end of October, we both realized that our friendship was creating in each of us a stronger relationship with Christ, as well as family. At this same time, we spoke a lot about what truth and love is. After much analyzing and reading God's word, we began to grow more love for people, such as friends, family, and romance. At this time, we had already showed interest in eachother, however we didn't intend to make any actions upon it right away. However we did take some time to realize that before getting in a serious relationship, one needs to already love the other person to a certain degree. For me, I have to love that person enough to feel confident that it will someday lead to marriage, seeing as how that's the main reason for dating. Kason voiced to me his opinion, and it made sense right away. After much praying and pondering, Kason decided to ask my dad permission to date me. My dad approved, which was glorious!
Now, I'll be honest, I entered this relationship with a huge amount of fear hidden inside me. I've had another guy promise all these "good" stuff to me for several months. He told me he loved me and he also promised to never hurt me, and through all that he pressed hard to make sure I believed him. After just a few months, he turned away, and took everything back - all the love, all the promises, all the care. He followed by hurting and lying to be continuously, and lacking any care whatsoever that he was doing so. I don't mean to express anger or bitterness toward that person, but I just want to give you an idea of how fearful I really was of lies and deceit. I didn't show my fear on the outside, and even when digging deep, my fear my not visible. I didn't even realize that I was so scared until my fear was tested.

When Kason and I began our relationship, I felt generally safe. I knew Kason well enough to know that he wouldn't hurt me and that he would actually care for me. Getting to know him as a close friend really gave me a chance to get to know who he really is without partiality hindering, and I trusted him.. more so than I do most other guys.
Two days after we started dating, Kason and I went to the mall so I could drop off some applications(as I posted in a previous blog). We followed by eating somewhere, and spending some time at the park near his house(while it was dark and rainy, I might add). After talking at the park for awhile, Kason told me he loved me.
Knowing me(and him), I don't take those three words lightly at all. As you may have realized in a previous blog I posted about what love is, you can tell that I'm pretty serious about it, and so is he. So him telling me that was huge for me. I was in shock more than anything else, and I had a slight bit of disbelief too because we had only been dating two days. I'll be rash though, I had given it a lot of thought and prayer too. God had been showing me a lot about what love is and what it should be. God has given me more affirmation than I even needed(whole other story though), so... I told Kason I loved him in return. He didn't expect that at all, but it was calming, nonetheless.
I've been really shy to admit my feelings toward him to other people lately, and afraid to say something, even though I wanted to. I was just a little bit too scared, and I was stilling holding a bit of fear that it was all a lie. There were several times when I would be talking to Kason and all of a sudden I would get upset and scared. I would lay humility upon myself and begin to feel guilt and unworthiness for anything. I felt horrible for what I've done in the past. I felt unworthy of being with Kason, and I was just flat out scared that someday all the stuff what was told to me would be taken back. Every time, though, Kason would tell me that he wouldn't lie to me. He tried to the best of his ability to comfort me, and show me some truth that was easier the grasp, such as God's unfailing love for me. Even though I would be relatively fine after a while of talking, I apparently still held some fear that continued until now.
I was driving Kason home this evening after Sonlight's end-of-semester program, and all of a sudden, I could hear voices and lies running through my head that I had heard before from my previous "relationship". I became upset, once again, and fearful. Kason realized I was upset, and prodded for a reason, but I had none, because I wasn't entirely sure what was going on with me at the time. As I was driving home, rage and fear filled me, and I was driving about 20 mph over the speed limit, until all of a sudden humility struck me, and I slowed down until I was about 5 under. I maintained that speed, and sat in silence, without much going through my head. Everything seemed to be in slow-motion now, and quiet. I wanted to cry, and I wanted some truth, but I felt humiliated that I've been so fearful that I can't even pull myself to come back to God to show me some truth and comfort.
I arrived at home, and received an IM from Kason asking once again what was troubling me. I finally admitted that I was scared of lies, and explained my reason further. He responded by telling me he wouldn't lie, and told me everything was going to be fine. I asked him how he knew that..
God always provides, he said. He gives us what we need, and does not lie or deceive us, and from all the stuff that has been given to Kason and I for a clear answer, I had every reason to believe it was true, but I still did not feel 100% confident because of fear.
I took some time to pray. At that time, I had already broke down into tears. I was so weak and hopeless, and really didn't want to go anywhere else for answers, so I asked God about the situation. I asked for some truth and comfort, and wanted come clarification to what needed to happen. God spoke to me, and reminded me what love is, which is faithful, true, obedient, patient, caring, and not easily angered, and it's all proven by God through his own sacrifice and love for me. I felt safe again, and calm. I thought to myself, I have no reason to believe that Kason is being untruthful to me. He has proven himself to love me in every way I believe in, yet I still held back. I wanted so bad to believe him 100% but I couldn't.
But tonight, after praying, I felt safe.. really safe. I didn't feel like I was being deceived, and I actually felt genuinely loved, by God and by Kason, which is bizarre because Kason told me he prayed that I would finally realize the love that was true this evening.

So, now I can say, positively, that Kason loves me, and I love Kason.
Just as my father Jesus loves me, and I love him (Only slightly less exaggerated.. because it's GOD and all..).
I don't deserve God's love, or Kason's love, but I've come to a realization that I need it, especially Christ's, but that's what love is.. a need, but a need that I am not worthy of.



Once again, God is faithful.
but that's what love is. ;)





Feel free to ask questions or comment. I don't seem to get them often. *shrug*

Randomosity Update

.
Finals week! *scream!*

Due tomorrow:
Brit Lit - Finish essay. Done.
World History - Short quiz - Not done yet, but should only take a few minutes. I take home a final, which I assume I mail back by the end of the week.
Electing the President. - NO homework. Praise Jesus. But, I think there's a pop quiz in class tomorrow. My mom told me the secret..*shh*. I'm not worried. It's a silly quiz, because I have a silly teacher. :-P
Government - Turn in final exam and final report. I've done the final, but not the report. I'm doomed to bomb the report, because it's supposed to be written about a council meeting I had to look up and attend. I didn't know this until recently, so obviously I never got the chance to go to one.. Who knows what'll happen with that.
Painting - no homework, obviously. I'll frame my current two paintings in class tomorrow for the end of semester program on Thursday night. Yay!
Kickboxing - gotta write a fitness assessment report for the whole semester. Shouldn't be too hard. She's not grading grammar and such. It's just filling up at least two pages with words for a final grade.
Goodyyy. :-)
Bowling - Finish final exam and turn in Saturday morning. Not too hard.


Other than school, I'm doing alright. I'm kind of in a dilemma with a friend whom I think is trying to avoid having any contact with me whatsoever, which disappoints me to no end, but I've done all I can do.
But, if by some insanely crazy chance you're reading this and you're that particular friend(you'll know who you are), than just know that I'm not going back on my word. I've never lied to you, and I won't break a promise now. I'm still open for friendship, if you just open the door and stop hiding. Otherwise just tell me the truth so I know.

*sigh*
I need patience.
But, I must consider the benefits....

I was thinking last night about the current situation, and God kinda showed me something I don't normally ponder about...
I'm trying to restore a friendship I lost. I've done all I can. I never lied. I stayed true to my word, but that person chooses to block me out completely for selfish reasons. I'm hurt by it, I'll be honest. I've spoken as much as I can, but I get no response. All I can do is wait for that person to realize his/her actions. I'm willing to do all I can to restore this, but at this point, it's all up to a response.
Likewise...
God's always been faithful to me. He's loved me unceasingly, and never fails his promise. However sometimes I'll go my own way and do my own thing, and subconsciously block out God completely. I don't talk to him, and I don't respond when he speaks. I get lost in my own life and desires and lose sight of Him. God is undoubtedly saddened that I turn away, and as much as He may try to get my attention back and initiate a relationship, I have to respond, but I'm too caught up in myself to care. Ultimately, I'm shunning my relationship with God and putting the one thing that is most valuable to me on the back burner. Does that please God? Does that help me grow? of course not..
Now, I'm not trying to compare myself to God, and I'm not at all saying that my friend must be friends with me in return in order to succeed in life, however I am saying that God used this situation to speak to me about my faults.
I don't always struggle with this in such extremes as to block out God completely, but it does speak to me about the small things, such as faithfulness, prayer, and my relationship with God. Without all those things, I am pointless. I am nothing. God is the only one that gives me life and joy and sometimes I loose what makes me alive by indulging in my own concerns and desires.


Hmm...
I love how God can speak to me like that.
It just proves His faithfulness more, eh?
Yesss

I'm gunna change.

Thanksgiving Week

This week has been nice.

Tuesday:
Holly and I had to lead our kickboxing class with our own hour-long work out routine. I didn't finish creating to routine until an hour before class, and it turned out to be way too short, and the class was not nearly interested enough due to the teacher's 6 year-old daughter that had the complete attention of the other girls in the class. *shrug*
But, we left class early, and it was done and over, so I don't have anything to complain about.
I went to the movies later that evening with Kason so see the Dark Night(again).
Overall an ok day.

Wednesday:
The day before thanksgiving.
My family decided to wake me up mid morning to help finish Christmas decorations(as it takes days to do it all). The mood was cheerful, but everything kind of went down the drain once my parents checked the mail to find a phone bill almost $300 more than usual. Apparently, something went wrong with my cell phone, and I went entirely over my minutes.
So, that certainly made everyone stressed out about everything else after that.
I was not happy...
Michelle had arrived mid afternoon, and even then, there was a lot of arguing.
I decided to chill by myself in my room for the rest of the night. My mom and Michelle left to go shopping, so I didn't have much else to do anyway.
Kason imed me randomly. I expressed my stress level, but I decided to ask him what he was thankful for. After his long and somewhat detailed answer, I became humbled to what I have. My stress went away, and I took some time to really think about what God has blessed me with rather than all the crud ruining my family's mood. Kason then asked me what I was thankful for. I was at a loss for words for a minute, but followed my typing my answer, which was considerably long compared to what I would normally say.
(paraphrase)
I'm thankful for my family. They can be a pain in the butt sometimes, I'm not going to lie, but I've noticed that many people I know don't even have a family to spend thanksgiving with, or if they do, relationships are so crazy that it's not even enjoyable. I'm thankful for relationships I have with other people as well, such as friendships and romantic relationships. I'm thankful for the faithfulness of God. He has blessed me far more than I even deserve but He still proves His love for me daily, and that's something I don't acknowledge nearly enough. See? I have a lot to be thankful for, and way more than I can even explain! I was putting too much time and effort into stressful situations that don't even matter. I'm thankful to even realize that, but it was brought to my attention before it had done any real damage. :-)

Thursday:
Thanksgiving!
Got up around 10:30ish. I finished watching the parade with my parents. My sisters got up maybe 30 minutes after I did. My mom told me our turkey was too frozen, so we'd have to either go out to eat or have ham. Michelle was not very pleased about it, but we did with what we had. It turned out to be a wonderful dinner with just my family. We actually talked about stuff that mattered! Our time was well spent.
Michelle and my mom left again to go shopping for the rest of the night. Holly and my dad went their separate ways, and I decided to spend the evening with Kason at his house. We watched Tarzan and Across the Universe, seeing as how watching movies together seems to be our most used entertainment.
It was a lovely night though. I arrived home at 10 to receive a hug from my mom as I walked in the door, which is new, but good. :-P
I spend the rest of the evening battling in Kung Fu Chess on the internet.
I suck. But it was fun to laugh for a while. :-P

Friday:
I slept in until 3 pm, which was amazing!
My mom and Michelle went shopping yet again. I didn't have anything to do. Holly got a new mattress shipped here this afternoon. She also planned to meet a friend at starbucks to hang out. My dad.. I don't know what he was doing all day. I didn't ask.
So, I went over to Kason's again. His family started putting up their Christmas tree today.
It was simply lovely! I kept commenting on how I loved the tree, even with it only half lit and in progress of being decorated. :-P
I don't know, I guess I just really like Christmas lights.
But anyway, Kason and I watched another movie. I made him watch Premonition, since he owned it and had never seen it before. His mom watched it with us(but she fell asleep near the end). I think his dad joined us for a little while, but he missed the beginning so he didn't hardily understand it.
Kason and I spent another hour or so playing games and talking things over. It's funny how after a while of getting to know someone on a deeper level, you can automatically tell if they're even the slightest bit upset, even without any body language. We were both kinda tested that this evening, but it turned out very well. It was pretty cool. :-)
I arrived home at 10ish. I played Kung Fu Chess again for awhile, and talked to Kason on my IM mic. Michelle and Holly eventually invaded my space and started talking to him too, which was interesting because Michelle's never met Kason, and had no idea my computer could talk to her.
:-P
Michelle ended up battling Kason in Kung Fu Chess. Michelle failed miserably, and made me fail miserably too because she wouldn't stop tickling me.
I watched Miracle on 34th Stress with my family. My parents feel asleep at the beginning. Michelle feel sleep in the middle. Michelle, Holly, and I were all piled on top of each other on the couch, with Holly laying on my stomach. At some point, I sneezed quite loudly and woke everyone up. Hah.
It was funny.





So, it's been a wonderful week.
I'm going to Keisha's wedding tomorrow evening, and that should be fun.
Yay!

Return to the Source of Your Joy

It's the solution to all anger, sadness, depression, etc..


I find it ironic that just when circumstances become larger and more important, the lessons that are shown to me fit along perfectly. Kason and I have been dating two weeks as of yesterday. It feels a little weird considering I've never been in a relationship before now. One of the things I never completely grasped before was that when you become romantically involved with someone, the other person's life, emotions, and thoughts because your own too.
I walked into church this morning and knew immediately that Kason was upset, without a word or action done. I became slightly worried about it, and I wanted to help. He claimed he would talk about it after church. After a minute of pushing him to tell me, he became tense and told me to stop. I was a little upset for a minute. I walked off, and greeted a few other people. I realized I just made him feel worse, and came back and gave him a hug. I know I care about him, and I felt bad for just making it worse than it already was.
Fortunately, not too long after Pastor Dennis started speaking, the message began to form itself around the current situation, just as it did last Sunday. We both kind of realized that we fall into anger or discontentment more than we should, which only makes it worse for our relationship with eachother, others, and most importantly, our relationship with Christ.
Pastor Dennis began to sing a short song about thankfulness. Kason nudged me.. We looked at eachother, and gave eachother the biggest hug ever.
It was sweet.
By the time the service was over, we were both fine again, simply by the words of Christ filling us again through the message.
"Return to the Source of your Joy".
I thought, and remembered that as children of Christ, we are to continually rejoice. We're not called to always be happy and cheerful, but to rejoice, and thank God in every situation. We spent too much time with our minds off our main joy and purpose. For us, and our relationship, God is our joy and strength. Without God, we are nothing. Our relationship would fail. With Christ, all things are possible, and when we focus our minds on our joy and strength, things become not only possible, but also a huge blessing.


I'm thankful for today.
I've learned some valuable lessons,
and God has dearly blessed me with Kason.
and so many other stuff! I can't even explain!!

God is just so faithful.
God is my joy!

That's life.

---

I registered for classes at TCC a few days ago. I'm taking Computers and Photography in the spring.

I'm excited for photography, understandably. ;)

Although, I need to get a hold of a film camera, so if you know where I can get a good one for a reasonable price, than let me know! Pleasee!

---

Yesterday was week 11 of sonlight. No Sonlight next week for thanksgiving, than the following week is the last day. So really, only two more weeks until the end of school! Yess

I was up until 4:30 on Tuesday night finishing homework. I had to write an essay for Brit Lit, finish four pages for World History, study for a final in Electing the Pres., finish one page for Government, and organize and decorate a notebook.

Turns out, only two students actually turned in their essay rough drafts yesterday, me included. Other students told me just the outline was due. Ohh man...

But no, the rough draft was due. The whole class just misunderstood the assignment.

Hah, yayy. I'm ahead.

So, fortunately, I don't have a whole lot of homework to do this week(two weeks, actually). I feel at ease. Ahhh... yess

---
A sonlight mom mistook me for Michelle yesterday. She commented on how much I look like her now.

Hmm, it must have been the glasses. I was wearing them at the end of school...

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I put up my little Christmas tree in my bedroom on Sunday night, with Kason's help. I also watched The Polar Express with him from my computer screen(my dad was using the living room tv at the time.)

I'm SO excited for the holidays!

---

I applied for four more jobs on Tuesday night.

-Portrait studio at Walmart. I've tried them before. They don't seem too interested in me.

-Portrait studio at Target. Michelle called home and told my mom that they were hiring right now near my house. My mom forwarded me the message, and I was gone within half an hour. I spoke with the manager(I think) and he seemed to be interested. I guess we'll see what happens.

-Pier 1 Imports. Very not interested in this job, but that's ok.

-Starbucks. I'll have to call them sometime this week because the manger wasn't in when I dropped off my application. *shrug*

---

Kason, Kiersten, and Lauren suggested I visit them at school for lunch one day.

I decided to go today.

As soon as I got there, a security guard drove up in his mighty little golf cart and told me I was in the wrong place, and going to wrong way on a one-way street.

"oh, I'm sorry.."
I find a parking space on the other side of the school.
I manage to find my way to the entrance without any trouble. I ran into Kayli right inside the door. She was surprised to see me.. she didn't seem very excited. hah

I go to the office and ask for a visitor tag.

"Are you a parent or guardian"

"..uh..no"

"Are you from the church?"

"The church??"

"Are you a church counselor?"

"No, not here"

"Ok, well we don't allow visitors unless you're a parent, guardian, or church counselor"

"Ohh.. ok.."

Grrrr

Fortunately, Kason passed by just as I left the office area.

So I did get to see him for about.. two minutes. hah.
.

But that was an utter disappointment. Blehh

Not only that, but that security guard in a go kart kept asking me questions!
"Where are you going ma'am?"

"My car.."

"Why are you leaving?"
"They don't allow visitors here."
"Ohh...
well why are you parked way over here?"

"There was a space here"

"Well the visitor parking is on the other side. You're not supposed to park here"

"Oh... ok.. thank you(*note sarcasm*)"

.

.

*sigh*

Dang Richland.

Love

.
What is love?



Romans 12: 9-13
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourself. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
Love is sincere... Love is true. It does not lie. It does not deceive. I find it very annoying when I find people who claim to love each other with all their heart, however they just end up deceiving each other in the end. This doesn't only happen in romantic relationships, but also family and friends. Must love have quarrels and lies? Must love have secrets and deceptions? No, it cannot. If dishonesty is present, it is not love. Love avoids evilness. It clings to the right thing. It strives for the right path. It hungers righteousness and closeness with Christ. Love does not seek self indulgences and easiness. Love devotes to what is good and true. Love does not give up. Love perseveres. Love flourishes hope and faith. Love cares unceasingly, and love must put down his own pride.


Romans 13:8.
Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law.
Love is delightful, and does not grow weary. Love must be sought after. Love does not cease. Love is on-going. Love is a part of life. Without love, there is nothing. Love is a commandment, however it is not to be fulfilled with a grudge or a hate, but with sincerity and honesty, just as Christ willingly loved us.


1 Corinthians 13: 4-13
Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophecy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child; I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: Faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Love does not rush. Love waits patiently at the door for an answer. It does not push. It considers all time worthy. Love respects. Love strives for kindness, care, and hospitality. Love is not envious and jealous. Love is fulfilling, it has no need for anything else. Why become envious of things you do not possess if you already have what you need? Love does not boast. It is not prideful. Love delights in what it is, and what it has. A person with love does not boast. He is considerate and thoughtful. Love is not proud. A person with love considers himself unworthy for the gift of love he has received. One does not consider himself deserving of true love, once true love is experienced in full. Love seeks for the well-being of the other person. Love does not seek for his own pleasure and happiness, but for the comfort and safety of the other being. Love cares for others higher than himself. Love sacrifices all, even life, and it is sacrificed willingly and without force. Love encourages, and does not pull down on faults and weaknesses, but rather makes weakenesses stronger and faults invisible. Love is not easily angered. Love is forgiving. Love considers the circumstances, and does not over-react. Love does not remember past wrongs. It passes them by as if they never happened, and continues to love even more. Love appreciates. Love seeks the truth. Love seeks righteousness, and leaves what is wrong and sinful. Love seeks Christ. Love protects like a shield, and speaks with a righteous tongue rather than a tongue of lies and weapons. Love trusts, and is not uneasy. It always hopes, and always believes. Love is faithful. It does not sway. Love stands through all. It endures all shaking. It fights through all trials. Love does not grow week. Love accomplishes. Love does not fail it's purpose. Love does not end. Love endures forever. Love grows, it learns, and it puts childish ways behind it. Love makes all things clear, as Christ gave a clear way for sinners because of his love for us first.


1 John 4:18-19
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
We love because he first loved us. If anyways says, "I love God", yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. and he has given us this command; whoever loves God must also love his brother.
Love drives out fear. There is no uneasiness. If I love Christ, as He loves me, I am not fearful for myself. I trust in Him. I have faith He will protect me. Love diminishes all fear, for I feel protected in the arms of the one whom I love. If I do not love my neighbor, my brother, and my friend, I do not love Christ. If I cannot forgive my brother is Christ, and love him, how am I to still love Christ passionately with despair in my heart? God's been showing me a lot about this lately. I became convicted of this greatly on Sunday morning and afternoon, to the point of tears, because God showed me my anger in my heart toward another person. I had to push my own pride down and realize my sin, just so I could forgive and apologize to my brother or sister in Christ. Once I can first love my brothers and sister and enemies, I can truly love Christ.


1 John 4: 7
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
Now go back to the previous verses, and put "God" wherever "love" is. Love is God, and God is love. God is a definite, pure, and clear image of what love is. God first demonstrated love by sending his own Son to die for us, the sinners, the unworthy ones. He endured all trials, trusted unceasingly, and had undying faithfulness. He was not fearful, and was not unsure. He was confident. He cared and loved. He sacrificed everything.
That is love.
Love must match with Christ, always, in every aspect. If love does not follow God's teaching and God's example, it is not love.



This is not limited to any certain kind of love.
This is love for Christ, love for family, love for friends, romantic love, and love for enemies. It is love, simple as that. Nobody excluded.
and this is what God has taught me.
Feel free to post input.

Photo Blog

As a posted a few days ago, I'm am now in a relationship.
Kason Chandler Bryden is his name. He is a highschooler at my church.
He's great.
You should meet him, if you haven't already.
:-P
We started dating Saturday night after he spoke with my dad alone about dating me. To my surprise, my parents thoroughly enjoy Kason. They don't normally approve of anyone, so this is a huge blessing to me, I'll be honest.
My family was invited to a thanksgiving party this past Saturday with their sunday school class. Holly invited her boyfriend, Cole, to tag along. My mom suggested I invite Kason to go with me as well, which was kinda funny at the time because I had never even introduced the idea of dating Kason to my parents yet.
So, we all had a grand ol' time with my family. Holly, Cole, Kason, and I took a bunch of pictures in our spare time. Most of these have been posted on either Myspace or Facebook, so you may have seen them already, but I decided to post them here too. :-)

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Insanely grainy picture, but Holly liked it.

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My favorite of them.

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It was difficult to get Kason to smile for pictures.

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...except this one! We look so happy! Kason says this is his favorite.

Believe it or not, I edited out part of a house and metal pole. Hah

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This was about four seconds before I lifted him up on my back, which ultimately ended with both of us falling to the ground.


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Another favorite of them.


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My favorite!!


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That grass loved my sweater.

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That dog had no concern for personal space... and photos.


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Crazy out of focus, but I thought it was interesting enought to post.


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Kason took this picture. :-)


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Inconsiderate dog again... with a bone.

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That's all!

Praise Jesus

My Brit Lit class is dreadful.

I finished reading A Tale of Two Cities a few weeks ago. I turned in my essay a few weeks ago, getting a miserable grade. I made corrections, and turned it back in(as did all the other students), and still got a miserable grade. Unfortunately, most of the other students in my class have more writing experience than me, so I was significantly horrible.
But praise Jesus, I have an merciful understanding teacher. In class, she's rather scary, I'm not going to lie, but she spoke with me after school today and explained why my grade wasn't higher, than after some understanding on both of our part, she bumped my grade up from a 69 to an 80 just for the my effort and mistakes understood.
I don't know, but this is amazing to me.

I don't deserve this.

Job Hunting

I went to the mall last night to turn in three applications I picked up during the summer, and clearly never gave back.
Fortunately, this week just happens to be group interview weeks for a lot of the stores at the mall. American Eagle told me to come Tuesday or Thursday at 4(I'm going Thursday. Don't have a car today). PacSun told me they were having group interviews this week and will probably give me a call. Claire's also said something along those lines, but I don't really remember.
I have an application for Halmart and Starbucks. I might turn those in today or tomorrow.
My mom picked up an application from the Portrait Studio at Walmart for me, which actually makes me really excited because I tried to get a job there a few months ago but they weren't hiring.

Unfortunately, group interviews are a pain in the butt, because I'm in compitition with everyone else who, more likely than not, do have previous experience, while I have none.
*shrug*

Whatever needs to happen will happen. God's just as faithful in the area of employment.
Pray for me.

Pride?!

Laziness is unhealthy pride.

Argh
I have some problems to fix.

Surprise!

.




I have a boyfriend.
First one ever.



.

Comfort

I'm beginning to understand more the importance of truth and authenticity.
I always knew it was important, but once you realize the difference it makes when good reasoning is behind choices, than you really begin to make more positive changes in your life.

I know I'm being kinda vague, but I'm not sure how else to say it.
My life feels very genuine and purposeful right now, and even though I lack the realization of what is causing it exactly, I know it has something to do with how much of my heart I've given up wholly and honestly to God and His plans. My views on a lot of things have changed, and the motives I have behind choices are different as well. Honesty and realness has become very crucial to me, which can be negative sometimes too, because I'm slightly more paranoid about truth, but at the same time, I've been overwhelmed with so much peace lately. This has never happened to me before(at least not this much, and not this genuine).
I guess being alert and rational makes important things stand out more.
:-P



The Holy Spirit is near and talking up a storm.
I credit God alone.


Father,
Build me up. Make me stronger. Help me follow your path. Strip away everything that I put before you, because You alone are worthy.
I'm crying out... listen to my prayer.

No Worries

Obama is president. I received the news at about 2 A.M. last night.

I didn't react much beyond a pitiful sigh and a shrug.
I've had many friends who joke about moving to another country(or maybe they're serious, but who am I to know). I think it's rather silly, actually.
I understand that the results of the election may not have turned out the way you wanted, but have to taken time to consider that God actually put Obama as president?? Every authority is ordained by God. There is none that is mistakenly placed. I don't really see why you have to stress about America going downhill very quickly simply because of the president change. God's in much better control of America than man is, including Obama, so I have enough faith to know that it's going to be just fine. I'm called to live in America, right? So why move? I'm fully capable of taking advantage of the faithfulness of God, and if you have any sense of a Christian, you'll understand what I'm saying. I'm only voicing what God has told me through His Word.

There.
That's my opinion.
Feel free to disagree if you'd like.

This is really unfortunate....

This year, I've discovered the importance of a camera case...






Me: Ahhh, what happened to my camera!?

Emily: Aww, it's a flower!

Me: That's not a flower! The screen is broken! Arghskgsdfgh

Emily: It is?? Oooohhh... it is... Hmm...

.....
Me: *sigh*




Behold, camera damage from July.
Someone sat on it.
hah

I discovered this when I was at the Bass Hall this morning with some other Sonlight families. Unfortunately, the Ball Hall's architecture is awesome and I've always wanted to take better pictures of it(last time I did, it was cold, rainy, and dark outside.. so they didn't come out well).

This is the best I came up with... and even then, I think the post editing made it look 4 times better. Hah.

I don't think I'm going to be taking pictures for awhile.

This is disappointing....

fyi, I took pictures of the broken camera with my old broken camera, which also does not have a working screen. Score!

.
The most unexpected thing came out of my mouth today, and I swear, I have never thought it, or said it before in my life.
GOD IS NEAR, MANN!!


The person you're in love with is the last person you will ever deserve, but also the person you will need most. Much like Christ, He is the person you are most unworthy of, yet and one thing you truly need most. This is why true love is from Christ and only Christ, because Christ alone created it, and through Christ love is possible. Ultimately, love is true and humble, and always submits to one another. Love is sacrifice, but a sacrifice worth everything else lost.
Whenever you think that you're in love with someone, compare it to your relationship with Christ and His love for you. Does it match? If it does, than you will know that your love is true.

Ok...

.
I decided to start posting more on this blogger, but I'm not even sure if anyone reads this anymore.
So, if you reading this(whether you're a regular reader or not), leave a comment and delight me with your presence.


I'd appreciate it greatly!

My heart is loud.

I think I'm going to go back to the start, as if I was talking one-on-one with Christ, with no hindrance.
I remember when I could do that...
But it seems, I've been blinded by everything else.
I saw nothing. I heard nothing.
All I understood was my own desires.
My own desired failed me.
Man, they failed me miserably.

I think it's time to go back to the start, and reconcile my life with Christ's.
His love and grace is more faithful than the morning, so what am I to be afraid of.
My unworthiness and uncleanliness, I suppose.

I shouldn't be afraid of anything, really.
I admit that I am though.
I'm scared of many things right now.
I'm unsure if it's strong fear, or something that can just be brushed off the shoulder.
I can never really tell.
I know God can help me through though. He's always been so faithful to me.
God has blessed me so much. I'm pretty sure He deserves my whole-hearted attention, dontcha think?
I wanna give it to Him, because...

I love Him.



But, I wanna love Him even more.
I need a change for better...
...A lot better.

My heart is loud. It's screaming. It's hurting. It's dying for a release.
No man can silence it. I am in God's hands.

I'm pretty beaten up.
I'm angry, upset, and distraught...
But, now I know.

I have to give up.
The scars are going to last, possibly forever,
but I thank God they weren't worse.

Brittle

.
I am weak.


I admit.
I am completely and utterly weak, and these past two or three weeks have been very emotionally draining on me. I find myself getting hurt, over and over again, and I've gotten to the point where I think I've pushed myself too far. My faith is not strong enough. I am weak. I am brittle. I need a full, honest, and close relationship with God. I cannot handle any other kind of relationship, and may not be able to for a long time.. not because of fear, but because of my weakness.
I will be stronger someday, and that is when God will direct me towards those, but until then, I've been blessed with a close friend or two lately, and that's probably more than enough for me.

Pray for me.
I need to take everything very slow.
Pray for healing, strength, guidance, and a faithful attitude.

Questionable?

.

I decided to post a "mood picture" for today.

For the majority of the day, I wasn't sure what kind of mood today was. This morning was alright. I felt pretty good for awhile, but I was very discouraged later afternoon and evening. I would have said today's mood was "pitifully scared" but I had no picture to match that, and it kinda changed after that. After all, it was only 10:00 pm at the time! ;)

I'm come to the conclusion that today's mood is "Meaningful".

I don't care if it's a "legalized" mood, but it works best right now. When I look at this picture, it reminds me of a ghost. Very pastel and bright, but kind of dark at the same time.
I went the majority of the day feeling like I have no meaning to anyone's life. I was not benefiting anyone, and everything that had previously been told to me about my importance has now been erased. I felt hopeless, like a wandering cloud that has so significant meaning. After talking to a friend for a while, I became very vulnerable to him. (Same thing happened Friday night with another friend as well). I hold him as many things about me and my past sins as I could without burning his ears out with vulnerability. I wasn't feeling guilt for anything, and I wasn't really trying to repent for anything. I simply wanted to let him know what kind of stuff I've been through. After talking for not more than five minutes, he broke. He confessed of his same exact sin, which he had not been able mention to anyone before now. He had never been able to forgive himself, much like myself a year ago. In a matter of 20 minutes, this seemingly stead-fast guy turned into jello, and everything was pure joy and what was heavy was now lifted. He was "floating" on forgiveness and reassurance of his salvation.

You'd think that by 10 pm, if everything wasn't fine by then, your day is basically screwed

But my mood went from meaningless, to meaningful.
I actually impacted someones life, however I dedicate it all to Christ.

With that said, I am almost like a wandering spirit. I'll go wherever the Lord takes me, and there I will work, and there I will make an impact. I don't appear to be a problem-solver, because I'm not at all. I'm a servant hidden behind a totally normal person who may not even smile all the time! Imagine that!

I feel hopeful.

Today's mood...

I've been inspired to take self portraits every now and then to "express" my mood for that day.
I won't do it every day... just, every so often.

Today: Thoughtful

My eyes are very wide open today, mentally.

It was a little bit of a brighter day,

But also, I'm vulnerable to loneliness or sadness.

In the end, I'm quite hopeful though.. somehow.

.

If you don't see how the picture fits, just ask. I'll gladly explain. ;)

Small Photo Blog

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My driver's license came in the mail this morning. My mom and sisters told me I had a really good license photo.
I suppose that's good.
:-)
(Look! My smile even sparkled... *wink*)




Also today, my family(except my dad) went to the state fair. We didn't make it there until about 6:00 this evening. All my pictures were taken in the dark, so they are a little bit blurry.

Urm... yeah


Oh!! I just remembered...
Painting class at Sonlight is phenomenal. We finally finished out first painting of the semester. It was paint-by-video, which was a little interesting, but fun nonetheless.
Keep in mind, it was done in a total of 4 hours or less, and it was my first painting.. ever, so it certainly could've been better.

The end.

Pleased

.
I just told someone my whole life story in one sitting.
Oh my gosh, I didn't know my testimony took an hour and a half to explain.

Haha
Well, I'm surpringly pleased. I'm pretty sure I'm not the same person to her now. Hmm...

Today has been a lot better, considering the former of this week.
Please say a prayer for me though.
I could always use it.

Let's take advantage of that.

Friend: So... how's life?

Me: Awesome

Friend: Why is it so awesome??

Me: ...Because it can be.




Ahh, see now, that's simple wisdom.
Every time you spend a minute in discontentment, you waste 60 seconds that could have been used with the joy you found in Christ.

Quick Update:

1. I got my license last Monday, after having a stinkin permit a year and a half.
I'm pleased now.

2. After getting a license, I went and applied for a job at PartyCity, because it's fun and walking distance from my house.... this works better for lack of cars. ;)
Unfortunately, it's been a week since then, and they told me they'd look over applications over the weekend.. and nothing's come up.
Eh, oh well.

3. School is going surprisingly well, but I'm seriously not liking my Brit Lit class, and I'm having a hard time reading novels and writing essays about them(because I'm just not a reader, or a writer) so please pray that I can get that done and get a decent grade, pleasse!?

4. Praise Jesus, family is getting better. I was able to talk to my mom last week about some of the stuff going on in my life. A lot of things were cleared up, and she may now be a bit more helpful and supportive.
This excites me!

5. Michelle's visiting this weekend. Going to State fair on Thursday. Michelle's artwork is displayed there, too. Go look. Now.




That's all for now. Hopefully I'll post again soon.

Flickr

.
I recently got a Flickr account to post some of my photography.
I recommend checking it out. :-)
http://www.flickr.com/photos/30743426@N07/

I add more pictures almost daily, so check back every now and then, and feel free to post your comments and tips if you have a flickr account too.

Prayer Request

.
Pastor Dennis briefly mentioned in church this morning a mother who spoke with him last week about her unborn child that had to be aborted this week due to development problems, Downs Syndrome, and other various medical issues that would most likely kill the mother if kept.
He didn't mention her name, but I have a very strong feeling I know who he is talking about, which has me a bit worried.
I guess I'll find out eventually.

Please pray for the mother. I'm sure she's having a hard time right now.

Talk

.
Communication is key!!
Don't neglect it.


Hmm...
I love how God is always so convenient.


InOtherNews...

It seems my accountability group has gone it's separate ways(for logical reasons), so I don't get the same constant accountability now like I used to, which evidently has caused some problems.
I need someone to keep me accountable...
...A female, someone stronger than I am, someone who can talk to me on a regular basis, obviously someone I can talk to easily(but not too easily), and someone who can encourage me and help keep me in line. I don't want someone who tells me everything I want to hear, but everything I need to hear.

Basically, pray that God will bring me an accountability partner.

Evacuee Needs

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As a posted a while back, FBC Watauge(my current Sonlight building) was listed as an evacuee shelter for the hurricanes. Since last week, 44 people have showed up at the church, and are in need to help and/or company. Sonlight may not be held this Wednesday.

My mom is at the church now and she told me there are about 10 children and about the same amount of teenagers in need of assistance or entertainement. Boredom is apparently a big problem now.
I've also been told that they need blankets, pillows, shampoo, canned goods, money for laundry, and transportation for laundry. My mom is helping transport people now. I will probably be going to the church pretty soon to help out with kids and teens.

As a lovely reader of mine, I ask that you pray for the evacuees. My mom told me it'd be a great ministry opportunity.
Also, if you'd like to come and volunteer to help out, please do. Everyone is welc0me.

There she goes...

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Holly officially has a boyfriend now.





This is weird...

Oh yeah... *UPDATE*

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The job my dad applied for in Cuba called him back about an interview.
Mixed feelings about it.

Pray that the right thing will happen, and the family will support either way.



*Update: Tuesday Sep 9*

My dad finally got a hold of the company in Cuba for an interview(my dad wasn't available when they first called on Friday). An interview is scheduled for the beginning of next week.
I'll update again when I know more.

Yayy

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God is faithful.
All is well.

Pray

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I hate to post "negative" blogs, but I have to say, I've hit rock bottom today.
What makes this so scary now, is that I didn't even see it coming. It's like everything went from positive, uplifting, and hopful, to wreched fear in an hour and a half.
I don't want to put myself in a huge pitty-party.
But I'm definitely in need of some prayer right now.

God is near.
But, man, am I so incredibly scared to do a thing as small as a phone call.

Ow...

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I can feel the physical stress of kickboxing now.

Ahhh
and I have another class tomorrow.

joy.

On a brighter note:
Apparently I can leg press 390, which is actually lower than the majority of the class, but still, that's a lot for a flimsy girl who hasn't exercised in four years.

*Gleee!*