Wow...

I just subconsciously put myself through the ultimate test of fear.


There is one thing lately that really has the capability of derailing my strength, and that's being completely surrounded by contradicting truths and lies written right before my eyes and running through my head. The lies are not old, they are only a couple months old.. fresh, yet rotten.
This happened to me a few days ago.. I was surrounded completely, and I lost it. I couldn't breath. I tried to get a grip, but it slipped. I broke down in tears. I stepped back, sat on my bed, and opened the Bible for something.. anything. God calmed me, and spoke to me in peace. I became quite and thoughtful(whole other story though).

Tonight, I put myself in the same situation.. I knew very well what I was going to see and what was going to go through my mind, yet I still went for it. I wasn't sure how I was going to react. It was a silly act to do, but surprisingly I didn't freak. I didn't even become upset. I was a little uncomfortable, but sure enough it was achievable. I became weary of what I was seeing, but it was not the kind of weary that makes you upset and broken.. it was the kind that makes you feel sick to the stomach to see, and just make you feel thankful that it's not a huge part of your life anymore. I considered the situation, and was reminded that what I have now is all I need. I may be broken and hurting every now and then, but I don't need an apology to function. My life does not rest in some other human's response.
I can move on. It's going to be hard sometimes, but God has blessed me. God would not give me an obstacle that was unachievable. No promises of easiness, but there is a promise for a revolution.
Thank you Jesus.



"YOU SET ME FREE!!"

*and eyes water with joy*