Feb 24, 2008

Disciple Now 2008

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I promised a blog after I got back from D-now, mainly because I have so much to say and reflect on.
Every year, I come back and say to everyone that D-now was simply amazing and that's all. I couldn't describe how God spoke to me or anything. I could easily say that now, but that won't do justice for those who weren't there. So... I'll give you my whole and honest opinion.

This year's topic was titled "Feed Me". It focused on reading God's word on our own every day, and applying it to our daily lives.
I'm going to be honest with you... I went to d-now with a heavy heart. I had too much on my mind, and certainly way too much stressing me out at home. I was coming to d-now hoping and praying that somehow my problems will be solved and I wouldn't have to be upset about them anymore. I didn't know what to expect this weekend, but on Friday night, God was already stirring in the hearts of everyone. The worship session was a different experience, but most of all, my grade's personal session that evening was incredible. Each girl openly talked about their lives, why they were there, and what they needed help with from God. Some of those girls had doubts about the weekend… they thought it wasn't going to be good at all now that Northwood church wasn't with us this time. They admitted they were very far from God, but were somehow called to come this weekend. That session with our group certainly unified the 10th grade girls, and it sure did prepare us for the weekend.
Saturday morning, all of us spent some personal alone time with God. Considering we all had the same devotional book for the year, each of us were reading the same thing and got to talk about it as a group after our alone time. That same morning, God reminded me of His promise... His promise that He will never leave me nor forsake me. He will always be there, ready to take me into his arms again even though I've strayed. God was showing me His love never fails... He's my Strong Deliverer and will always lead me towards His way. That thought gave me overwhelming comfort. I could rest in the fact that God was there always! Yes!
So anyways, I'm sure many other people got a different message out of the quiet time, but those are my thoughts.

After the service project that afternoon, we returned to church in the evening for the last large session. We all new something cool was going to happen... because that's what it's like at every d-now on the saturday night lesson. We weren't sure what to expect, but we knew it was going to be good... and I have to say, it was far better than "Good".
Before the worship began, Satan was already trying to let me down. He was trying to distract me from what God was trying to say to me. As I stood there I thought... "Why am I doing this? Why am I going to let Satan control me? Am I going to sit here and let these words pass right over me and not get anything out of them? No! I'm not...."
So anyways.. Satan was gone now and I was soo ready for worship. haha.

I am happy to say that worship was awesome... it was loud and overwhelming with the presence of God. I don't think one person ended with the same thoughts and feelings they had before they began.
Personally, I wanted God to just break my heart... I know that sounds weird to some people, but I didn't want to be let down by other things anymore. I didn't want to carry around my problems wherever I went.. I wanted to be free! I wanted God to break my heart and free me from those things putting me down. I wanted to fall right in front of God and give those things to Him forever! The lesson was about committing to reading God's word every day. Bill spoke and it was honestly like God was standing on the stage rather than him. He told me of His word... His instruction manual for me... and His love letters to me. He wants to have a personal relationship with me and the only way I can achieve that and digging into His word and applying it to my life. I want to grow in Christ, and I want to be closer to Him than I've ever been before! After the message, Bill had an invitation for us to come up to the altar, and light a candle symbolizing our commitment to read and apply the word to our lives. As many people crowded to the front, I still sat in my chair with my face down, holding that unlit candle. Meanwhile the band was playing a hymn called "How Deep the Father's Love for Us", which reminded me of how my own sin have kept Jesus up there on the cross. I'm the one that caused Him to be nailed to that wood! But He did that because He loves me! How deep the father's love for us, indeed! His love for us couldn't be greater or less! He sacrificed everything for our lives! Now, can any of you tell me that we shouldn't read His word and have a personal relationship with Him who gave His life for us? Can anyone tell me they don't have enough time to spend a few minutes everyday with Him who loves us more than anyone else possibly can?! Can you!? Can anyone?! I sure can't! I want to grow close to Him! I want to read His word every day! I'm HUNGRY for Him! I want to FEED MYSELF rather than only growing two days out of the week. Can I only eat food two days out of the week? No.. I have to eat every single day in order to maintain strength. Is that any different than Christ? No... we have to be fed every day in order to maintain spiritual strength, and let me say now that I began this weekend so empty of food and so spiritually weak. It's like I went so long without it, that I didn't know I needed it anymore. I didn't feel the hunger.. but I can now say that I have never been more hungry for Christ and I'm ready to feed myself every day! I don't want to miss a meal!
With that said... I got out of my seat to light my candle. I set that candle up on the stage along with everyone else’s and knelt down, noticing how many candles there were. I saw possibly hundreds of candles lit... one for every person that made a commitment to follow Christ every day. It was an overwhelming moment that filled with heart with joy and conviction and I'm not sure that I've seen anything more beautiful than that.

After the session at church, we all returned to our host homes for another small group session with just the 10th grade girls. It was a time of reflection for those who had anything to say about what God told them at church that evening. One by one, everyone told their testimonies. One girl told us that she recommitted her life to Christ. Another girl told us that she's been living life only for herself for way too long, and has finally made a commitment to change for good and start living for Christ. Another girl told us of how God healed her from a traumatizing situation that happened three years ago. There were also several girls admitted that they hadn't heard from God in a long time, but now they have joy again... they hear God talking, and they can feel God's presence again and it honestly changed them! I'm confident that this is not just a d-now high, but we were all truly changed by what God did this weekend. I was the last one to talk about their testimony... I told them I've been struggling with depression and anger for way too long. My life went downhill very fast about a year ago, and I've had trouble letting go of all that fear that was built up during that time. Like I said earlier, I wanted to be free from those fears and burdens. I came before God that evening the just told him... I want to be FREE! SET ME FREE GOD! SET ME FREE FROM ALL THIS FEAR! and you know what??... God set me free! I don't have that fear anymore! I don't have to be angry with myself anymore! I don't have to be angry with anyone else anymore! I don't have to live in fear every day anymore! And it's an AMAZING feeling! It's an amazing feelings because I can honestly say that Christ lives in me and he will live in me for eternity and I don't want to let a single thing come between me and my personal relationship with Christ because that is far more important than anything else in the world!
GOD SET ME FREE! GOD SET JESSIE FREE! AND TAYLOR FREE! AND JANAE, AND JACLYN, AND KELSEY AND RACHEL AND EVERYONE ELSE! And it showed... the freedom shows...because Christ is our Strong Deliverer.

So that’s pretty much what I said for my testimony. I told them that God has set me free and I'm filled with joy now. Our group leader, Sommer talked about it after that. She even admitted that she's been living is depression and fear for the past year and it's been hard. She wanted to be set free too! She just went on and on about how Christ is in control of our lives. He directs our path. He brings us back to Him. He never stops loving us, and you know that else? He will always be speaking to us! Every time we open God's word and get something out of it, God is speaking to us. Every time we listen to a worship song and something sticks out to us, God is speaking! Why do you say you never hear from God? Why do you say you don't hear His voice? He's speaking! He has always been speaking! He's been calling your name trying to get you back, but everything in life is crowding around and distracting your mind and you can't hear that faint whisper from Christ. Everything is piling up so high that you don't feel the love of God close by. I could easily say that Jesus love you, and you should love Jesus, and nothing else should matter in the world. As much as that sounds so cliche and small, it's true. You're underestimating the meaning of it. Christ loves us... do you know what that means? Do know what He did to express that Love? Yeah.. he died for me..... Yes, of course He died for me, but he suffered through impassable pain and agony and everything possible in the process. Before Christ's crucifixion, He was distressed to death, as Sommer put it... He was sweating blood. He had a fear greater than any of us will ever experience. Jesus even asked God if there was any other way, but there wasn't. Dying on the cross and going through the worst pain anyone can ever go through is the price that had to be paid for our lives. If Jesus didn't love us this much, we wouldn't have gone through that. But He does love us. He loves us so much that he was beaten and bruised. His body was mutilated. He was mocked and made fun of. He was treated worst than dirt. Can you tell me now that Jesus doesn't love you? Can you tell me that you can't rest in the fact that His love never fails and He's always there?? I sure can't say that. As much as I have felt that nobody cared... as much as I've been afraid, I can always know that Jesus loves me... and He will love me more than anyone else can. I can know that He is there to set me free again....always.



That's what God told me this weekend.
What did God tell you? If you didn't go, but just read my post, what has God told you from this? Do you just have any thoughts or comments?
I would really like a reply from all of you.



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2 Corinthians 12:9-10

But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, is difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Awesome. Just awesome. It really is amazing to see that everyone I've heard from took something different from the passages that we all read. We all read the exact same words, but each person received a personalized message from God that applied to their individual struggles. We were each fed exactly what we needed.