Rest

Today has been tiring in every way.

Creative Arts in Action had a homeschool swing dance night tonight. I've been a few times before, but not in a while, so I decided to go and bring Kason with me, considering he doesn't know how to dance yet.It turned out to be great! Kason learned a lot, and I apparently made him realize that I *can* dance.. people just don't realize it because I only do it in homeschool dance socials. :-PWe're planning on going to another swing dance lesson at Creative Arts later in March. Until then, I'll help Kason practice.. because he's THAT eager. ;)

After wearing myself out physically, I headed over to Kason's for a while. He showed me a song he composed this afternoon for me. It was supposedly a very soothing song, considering I couldn't fall asleep last night until 6:30 a.m. He took into consideration that I needed something to help me fall asleep, so he wrote me an instrumental song!After resting a bit and lounging around, some old memories came to mind.. ones made near'y two years ago, and some four years ago. They were negative memories that involved family and even strangers. I didn't say much about it, but I became thoughtful of the situations. They are clearly very old memories, but what made them come to mind? What made them that important, and why are they still bringing me down now? I was kinda puzzled, but I felt captivated by my mood. Kason asked why I was upset, but I wasn't sure what to tell him. My mind was too mixed for words. I'm not even sure if I told him anything, but he did his best to help.
The fact is, I'm so insanely emotionally tired of becoming upset over bad memories and fears. They have nearly consumed the past two or three years of my life, and I'm pretty darn tired of letting myself do that. I need rest, emotionally and spiritually. I need a redemption from this mess. It's gone too long..
I'm not sure how he did it, but Kason just kept talking to me as if he was reading my mind. I was without words for probably 30 minutes but he kept talking and comforting me. I broke into silent tears about two or three, but I still didn't say anything. After a while, Kason tells me to do whatever I needed to do to pray about it right then.. outloud, silent, folded hands, whatever. He told me that God wants to take my burdens and throw them away completely. God wants to give me rest, the kind of rest I've needed in my heart for so long. Kason held me in his arms, and I prayed silently to myself. My face was covered, but it felt like my soul was screamed out for some kind of help that only God can give me. Kason was praying too.. I don't know what he said, but I could hear him. He was stroking my hair... All the while, I was crying like a little girl reaching for the arms of her Father.

I've just been so worn out, like I've been running and running for days without sleep. My soul is weary and my heart in tired. I can't take the beating and stresses. How can I stand against future trials if I'm not rested and strong? How can I forgive myself of future regrets if I cannot forgive myself for past mistakes? How can I resist future unreasonable scolding if I can't first overcome past words.

It's fairly simple really.
I'm just so tired, emotionally.
I.. need.. rest.



Lord, grant me peace and a rested heart. I need redemption...





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