Change

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There's something about me that's been a whole lot different lately. I'm not sure if it's the new year, or the realization that some things just aren't worth stressing over. I don't know, but it seems I've been more open lately, like I'm not trying to hide anything, hold anything back, or keep my true personality from being shown. I'm not sure who else has noticed this(if anyone), but I could easily say that I'm not so scared anymore.
While my my and I were considering photography internship jobs for me, she sent an email to our family and school photographer about suggestions. My mom knew I had a flickr account with my photos, so she asked me for the link to send to him. She'd never seen it before herself until after she sent the email last Wednesday. I came back from church and my mom wanted to talk to me about the stuff I had posted, more specifically the descriptions on a few of them that voice my struggles. She never knew what I was have problems with, much less that I was having problems with anything. My mom has been totally oblivious to any of my problems and stresses my entire life unless they came out in some argument. She didn't know I was depressed and scared all 2007, and she didn't know I was upset for the past few months. These problems aren't much of problems anymore now, but it's just funny how she never seemed to figure it out. I seem to have done a pretty good job hiding it. I wasn't trying to, I just don't show my emotions to my family.
This past week, my personality and talents have been a whole lot more evident to my mom. I think her access to my flickr page now has a lot to do with it, but it's not like I'm scared to post something because I know she's going to see or read it. I'm glad that she has a better idea of who I am and what my passions consist of. Who knew that I liked photography so much?? Probably just the people that have seen my work, but she hadn't seen much at all, nor was I willing to show her. I don't know why, but I just didn't want to show her that much. Her seeing those now makes her understand why I really want to learn more and get better. Her reading my communications also lets her know how people have treated me, and how people treat me now. She knows what has upset me, and she knows what has comforted me. I can't assume she understands every little signal, and I can't expect her to know everything about my life, or even half, but it's much better than what it used to be, where everything important she found out about me was through anger.


I've made it a point to be more open this year, and express my inner personality that a lot of people don't see. I'm glad to see it's making progress. It's been a little hard. It wasn't easy to talk to my mom about my page, but it's turned out better. I've gotten over things, I've admitted things, I've grown, and ultimately, other peoples action toward be have been more respectful.. at least some of the time.

Families are difficult, but I am pleased.
God has lead me through...






Oh, by the way, my mom has made a flickr page now. Took her all day because of her lack of computer savviness, but it's weird considering she has never taken part in an internet social or sharing site before. :-O