I'm mingling with the thought of what to do with myself.


Sometimes I just feel like I'm walking on a path not marked for me, as if I missed an exit to a different road.

I need a Jesus GPS.

Mmm. Yay.


Several days ago, the results of my mom's biopsy came back. Two of the three "lumps" found were not cancerous. The third(and biggest) is cancerous though, but considering that's the only one that's "dangerous" right now, she can just have the cancer removed without having the whole breast removed.
The surgery is scheduled for sometime in spring break, and she'll start radiation about a month after that. Not sure about any other details.

So, all in all, results are better than what we expected, but still tough. Keep praying.

Fortunately, my mom and I found ONE weekend this spring that doesn't interfere with surgery, recovery, radiation, or any other plans, which means we can take a trip to Massachusetts to preview Hallmark... as long as we can afford it of course. :-P
But, I'm happy to hear that we're actually getting somewhere.

I expected to face many challenges during my senior year. College decisions, finding a job, living on my own, preparing for graduation, etc.

Who would'a thought that so many of the answers to these challenges would be on hold because my mom would have breast cancer?

Hm.
Didn't see that one coming.



With that said, here's a prayer list I need you guys to help me with.

1) Pray that mom's appointments will be scheduled and over with.
2) Pray for successful treatments with minimal damage.
3) Pray that I can come up with the means to visit the colleges I am interested in(as of now, a college-visiting trip is on hold until I found out if mom will be healthy enough to take me).
4) Ability to afford treatments and college.
5) Wisdom for the right college choice
6) Find a job/internship in the field I want to go into(Photography/graphic design/business).
5) Faith and strength




Blessings,
Katie

I really want to listen to music in my bedroom as loud as I can possibly stand, just so it will drown out all my thoughts.


It's a shame that my mom's office is right outside my door.
She would find it annoying.


*sigh*

Goals

I wanted to make a lists of goals.
Ironically, it's the beginning of a new year and decade, but that really has nothing to do with my list-making. :-)

Worldly Goals:

Become independent, but sufficient.
Open my own photography business, complete with studio.
Actually be a successful photographer and graphic designer.
Live away from parents house for at least one year before marriage.
Become more confident with my physical appearance.
Take an oversees vacation purely for photography.
Attend Hallmark Institute of Photography, or receive just as much cool training and challenges.

Heavenly Goals:

Go on a mission trip overseas.
Missions in New Orleans for a summer(or any other season)
Work with a church youth group as a student encourager/counselor.
Be the best, most encouraging wife and mother ever(in that order)



...and with all these things, comes an unbreakable love and faithfulness to God, the One that pieces all of these things together.

I recall one evening at youth during the summer. The band decided to host a full night of worship. This was exciting to me, because I hear God most through music and art. The evening was spectacular, by all means, but God laid a burden on my heart for someone that does not know Christ.

My life intersects with this person's life in a very personal way. I'm sure if this person never came to know Christ I would be devastated, especially knowing that I will be in heaven for eternity and this person will always be suffering.
That scares me.

I don't know what to do to reach out, but I know I need to do something, whether that be simple communion or encouragement. Just... something.
But it hurts to no end.
I'm at a loss of words.
How could I possibly help?


I wish we all shared the same hope.





God, give me strength and wisdom, and the opportunity to reach out to this person.

Sometimes I forget how quickly my life changes.

I'm completely aware that I haven't posted on here in nearly 3 months. I kinda feel like I've let this whole summer pass by, but then I realized that the only problem was that I didn't stop and notice the things that really made a difference.
I was talking to a good friend of mine this week about how entering high school as a freshmen really tests your maturity. What matters, and what doesn't? When should I and shouldn't speak? When is it okay to be loud and social(and sometimes obnoxious). What's really worthy to be upset about? When do I say "no"?. What are my highest priorities? .. and what is the foundation of my life and everything in which I believe?
To a middle schooler, these things are "subconsciously" important, but aren't really applied. My church's middle school group seems to become less and less mature every year, but then I realized it's just me growing up.

I'm entering my senior year. I read status updates on facebook today from 2009 seniors. They talked about how awesome their new colleges are and how cool their dorms and apartments look. I thought to myself "They're college students?? Really??"... then I realized I'm not too far behind them. I'm graduating in just over 9 months.
Truth me told, I have a lot of very large decisions to make in the next two or three years... decisions that, a year ago, I never even thought would cross my mind as a serious consideration. I'm finally facing the time in my life when I really have to think as an adult. What's best for me, and the rest of my life? These things were always "subconsciously" important to me, but they simply weren't applied yet. Now I see.

Pray for me as I set off into my senior year. I'm not dreading the return of school for once in my life. I think I'm fairly well prepared. The summer was fun and I learned a lot, but I'm ready to turn to the next page. I'm anxious to see what happens.


Pray for me. This is probably going to be most challenging year of my life. I'm going to need some strength and wisdom.

btw, does anyone want to be my accountability leader?

Whoops...

I coulda sworn I posted a more recent blog..
I guess not.

Here are some random updates I'll fill you in on.


1). College decisions still quite undecided, if not more complicated. I'm not really sure what to even think about all these possibilities anymore, nor do I know if I should go after what I want with full force, especially if it's going to fail. How do I try to achieve a goal and guard my heart at the same time?
Btw, college possibilities as of this week are TWU(Denton), UTA(Arlington), and Hallmark(Mass.).
Let me know if you want more details on these. I'll gladly explain.

2). Started some summer classes at TCC last week. My computers class is a drag.. and my English class is actually not as bad as I thought it would be. My teacher is entertaining enough the homework isn't terribly heavy. We watched Shawshank Redemption in class this week. Once you get past all the language, it's a great movie. :-D (we watched it for our next paper).

3). For those of you who didn't know, I got a car nearly a month ago... my own car, that's not the cruddy oldsmobile we've had for ages. That car has had it's days. :-D
Unfortunately, my radio didn't work, so my dad fixed that today.. but then we found out five of the six speakers don't work. *sigh*
One will do for now. :-P

4) It's impossible to get a job in the summer. Oh.. my.. gosh. Being a teenager sucks because all the entry level jobs are taken by all the *other* teenagers. Bah...

5). I decided I'm going to go to New York someday.. maybe several times.
I'm incredibly jealous of Trint and Tammy for going there for their 10 year anniversary.
:-P

6) It seems as if every year of my life has a theme to it. 8th grade was fear and faith, 11th grade was strength and forgiveness, and now it's like I've being constantly encouraged to try my best in everything and setting goals for myself. I know I've gotten this type of encouragement all my life, but it's way more emphasized now. I don't have any doubts that God is trying to tell me something through all these sporadic messages, but I'll be completely honest, I still have no idea what goals to set.
Maybe this is also a year of patience...

Urgent!

Pray pray pray!!

I swear, I couldn't need it any more than now.
God has complete control over this... and it's beating me to the freaking core because of the mere thought of how incredible POWERFUL God is...
I need strength and guidance, I need a divine intervention!
I CAN NOT tolerate Satan getting in the way of this. I JUST CAN'T!

This is God you're dealing with.. powerful stuff.



Gah, I can't properly express what I'm thinking right now, not even in words on a blog.
JUST PRAY!
Pray for me!
Pray that Satan will stay away, so God can do his work.
Pray that ears and hearts will be opened...
PLEASE..
This is a radical mission field I've never experienced before... at least, not at this level.
This is such a huge deal to me, I can't even sit still... it shivers my spine.


God, send me!!

I need a lot of prayer... mostly for strength to accomplish small things, as well as large things, like college and a job.
I'm so swamped with stuff to take care of.
I may grow weak, unless of course I continue to find my strength in Christ constantly.

But this is why I need prayer. I'm only human, but I wanna try...



I'll try to be more specific in my blogs later on.. but it's late. I'm going to bed.
Goodnight, faithful readers.